The first rule of bondage for beginners is to establish boundaries. It’s important to have a conversation with your partner to discuss what you both feel comfortable with, but also what’s off limits. What many people don’t realise is the importance of what happens after sex – the aftercare.
Sexual aftercare is a term used in the BDSM community to describe checking in with a partner and making sure everyone is feeling okay after intimacy, sex or erotic play of any kind. Although discussed more when it comes to BDSM, aftercare can really make the difference to any sexual experience. In fact, taking the time to check in with each other can enhance physicality between you both and it’s an important part of any sexual relationship.
Checking In
Bondage for beginners doesn’t mean jumping straight into whips and chains, it’s safer to build up gradually, as your confidence grows. After each session, check in with you partner. This is an essential part of the whole experience, yet often overlooked.
The intensity of giving or receiving in BDSM encourages a rush of endorphins and adrenaline to the body. Afterwards, submissives can experience what is described as a ‘sub drop’, whilst dominant participants are susceptible to ‘top drop’. Once adrenaline levels crash, you may be left feeling lethargic, dizzy, nauseous and even upset from the dramatic shift in emotions. Practicing fundamental aftercare ensures that all participants feel safe and cared for after any intimate encounter.
Emotional Aftercare
As we’re learning, communication is vital when it comes to bondage for beginners. Discuss your feelings, be it positive or negative towards the experience. It’ll help you to understand yourself and each other better in the bedroom. This form of emotional aftercare reassures your partner that they are heard and appreciated. It’s made clear that their well-being remains a priority, even after gratification and/or orgasm. Simply asking ‘what felt good?’ or suggesting ‘next time we could…’ can be enough. It shows that how your partner feels after intimacy is as significant as the sex itself.
Physical Aftercare
After engaging in BDSM, it’s important to ensure that any marks, cuts and bruises are tended too. A simple ice pack, or hot cloth can be helpful. Your partner may feel dehydrated, so when getting some water, make sure your partner is catered for too. The nature of each session may differ, so keep an open mind as to what you or your partner may need or require.
Physical aftercare can be as small as getting an extra blanket for comfort or running a bath for your significant other. Cuddling is a great way establish a supportive closeness and boost your oxytocin levels. Bondage for beginners can feel little overwhelming the first few times. Holding each other close can help to get rid of any inadequate feeling often associated with being a submissive and likewise, any guilty feeling a domme may feel towards the sub. Small acts of kindness clearly show that you are taking an interest in that person’s welfare and safety, fulfilling the overall sexual experience for both of you.
Respect
No matter the circumstances or preferences, everyone deserves respect during sex. Aftercare is not acting in an unapproachable and inappropriate manner after being intimate. Leaving another person to feel undesirable and possibly guilty about what happened is unacceptable.
With any kind of sexual encounter, including bondage for beginners, we recommend keeping the atmosphere positive, open and respectful. Aftercare looks different to everyone, so make sure you ask your partner how they prefer to be cared for. Being on the same page plays a vital role in a better sex and more healthy relationship overall.
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